Mexico Cocaine Experience

“But if you try sometime, you might find you get what you need.”

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, by the Rolling Stones, Let it Bleed album, released 1969.

I put that in there because it came on the radio when I arrived back to my car and sat in it with tremendous relief, and turned it on.  It happens a great deal with the senses heightened, where whatever words you are hearing seem to be quoting themselves.  There is an exaggerated importance.  It is a perspective and thus false on a count of bias.  Besides, it is a preload of a meaning, “propitious”, and you can’t select from among several; it’s Extrasensory Perception (ESP).  You have to take what you get.  Isn’t that the lyric?

I fell into the car with tremendous relief.  This post can have everything now.   It’s drug war journalism.  I considered already how it was war.  I decided that the condition of being prostrate in the hot sun in the camp of your enemies is a familiar one to all fighters.  I was there as the time to face Customs and Border Protection (CBP) approached.  I needed to stand in line, I was too high.  The whole exercise took four hours.

At night, I missed my wife Elizabeth, giving me the motivation to chase the blues away by doing something I have wanted to do myself.  This motivation I speak of is the possibility of sensory input becoming processed by the brain such that the Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA) connecting to the Nucleus Accumbens (Ac), in the dopamine (DA) component has this “reward circuit”.  The original circuit I heard about I heard about in a seminar at the University of California, Irvine (UCI), I recall.  The subject was how to cause instant withdrawal among addicts by adminstering naloxone.  The speaker mentioned a brain structure implicated in the opposite circuit, maybe it was the caudate nucleus.  I felt the need to ask out loud if there were a reward circuit.  He laughed, and some other people in the auditorium also laughed.  He did not answer that.  Perhaps he did not know.  One identifiable theme in this lecture was the unselfconscious elitism, here from having junkie research subjects.  I was reacting to that, yet, you haven’t got much hope army to army in a war without much prejudice and experience.  So, you do wish to take quite a few bastards with you should they end up getting you, and being terrified doesn’t have to prevent this.

The border crossing is an ethical arena in which the civilizing influence of commerce ought to retard the incidence of deaths and uncomfortable delays, since it is a child of the human rights we all enjoy.  We have to be on the move.  It’s right there, and is a geographical cause for me not to leave it alone.  I needed something.  I stepped over and stepped back and got my shit so I could blog about it.  It was hard; I do not recommend it, but, it was totally fulfilled, the “mission”.  I couldn’t find a similar report online.

The motivational circuitry is suspect in the frequency of one’s use of reasons “because” things happen to be true, or happen to be facts, having to do with “why” someone we happen to like or dislike might be doing something in particular.  They look as if they are taking an action we commend or condemn, but, that isn’t true.  It’s rationalization and only speaks to our prejudicial belief about the person, such as their ethnic group or whether we know them.  To achieve total safety from logic that feels good to embrace, we must only say that causation was due to a pair of events in which the antecedant is observed first and there was no way for the reward circuitry to be excited by the cause since there was no way for us to know about it.  Then it joins the set of nonmotivational human actions to create a larger set where we have placed that collection of motions which do not have sensory input at all.  The smooth muscles of the body do not move by our being motivated to move them, so that is one kind.  And, this is how true ESP psychic reading operates for me.  I do not feel anything funny, but if I were to be writing at the time, I would expect to find evidence of the event in my writing.  Its very difficult, but is starting from something the physicist Richard P. Feynman (RPF) has commented about.  He said he worked on science because it did give a definite answer, and psychic matters always left a big doubt.  I agree.  There’s no moving forward with psi.  Each psychic has a different method.  It’s just that starting with zero on the reproducibility, over time a choice of what feels right can develop for each person, given that we have our very existence tied up in the outcome of this or that experiment.  Reality consists not in experimentation, but in living for keeps, and folks live as if their body and mind were supposed to act true to some code.  They try to win the big bets in spite of the odds.

I started out in the afternoon when “two-fers” were playing on the radio, KGB, 101.5 FM, with a supposition of heading for Mexico, if just to scope it out.  I wasn’t going to get anyone to go with me, not with my truncated lifespan, not without fortune acting in the time frame, nor was I about to locate good cocaine in San Diego.  I am going to hell in a handbasket, with many drugs I now take.  A theory comes with it as I struggle to come to terms in man’s search for the meaning of this kind of death, a slow death.  I can write or talk without mentioning being very ill, and people would prefer it I imagine.  Sometimes I can hear their voices making a strangling sound.  Are you all afraid?  After all, it is my sickness.  But, yes, it is one regular, it pertains to you, and it is possessed of both a good stable time axis and a uniqueness.  Many proper names give listeners fits of dread.

I had a ball of adequate good feeling in my lap to make the trip, so I carefully examined the contents of my pockets and did not leave anything behind, like a hat and sunglasses, that were not cool, and put a pill bottle in the car rather than to carry it.  Yes, I have a road bottle of narcotics as the law dictates, but I also own things which would be contraband under some condidtions, like, you can’t prove that over-the-counter (OTC) pills are not pills requiring a prescription very easily.  And, this is the shortcutting I do as a chemist.  Chemistry is never easy or cheap to perform.  It’s just possible to get way ahead by anticipating challenges.  Especially this coke.  I would like to have the tests detailed in the United States Pharmacopia (USP) to run on samples, but what kind of mutant being manufactures it?  They have my respect.  I am a shameless user, broken from a technologist, which makes me nothing more than an addict.  Oh well, sticks and stones.  Naturally, if cocaine stopes being good, the implication for the expansion of methamphetamine consumption does not bode well on the “clear and present danger” consideration of the price society may pay.  I don’t think it is good.  I know I still retain expressions I picked up at five years of age.  I see the tonnage staying even and the introduction of a bitterness agent, a numbing agent, as having recently occured.  The source for coke analyses and the point in the chain that adulterants are added is the United Sates Drug Enforcement Administration (USDEA), but the evidence is good that the origin country, Colombia, does this.  There is a tremendous cocaine problem for the environment of Colombia to be the source country, and this may ease the impact somewhat, too.  I wouldn’t even say that drugs are that good of a thing, being vices.  But, do we want a war over it?

I was driving at first, and walking later.  I detoured looking to do some banking, and felt a time whirlpool developing when I could not locate Wells Fargo where I thought it was.  That lowered my mood, as if in anticipation of something fun transpiring, and I realized I was scared to go.  I had subverted my intent before, for months.  It’s daunting to go into Mexico, do drugs, then come back.  It cost me exactly $46.44, and I got to keep a cigar, although I had to take off the band.  It was Cuban, the CBP officer explained, and I put the band in his gloved hand.  The band said, “Cohiba”.

I want to finish this fucker later.  I want the information to be posted within twenty-four hours, but am going to consider how much to tell about the places and the Mexicans who were kind enough to get this to me, because that’s what it takes.  You can’t do it all by yourself.  If you make it or sell it, you can do more.  You can use force.  I don’t yet understand how the willingness to use force allows the cartels to ensure the steady stream of supplies, but the level of force now underway is, I believe, unprecedented and stands to destabilize something big. 

The year-old law in Mexico I blogged about is, I hearsay, not true.  That is, people say that small amounts of drugs are not, in fact, legal in Mexico.  However, I say let’s keep those maximum weights in mind, as it wouldn’t hurt to act as if you were obeying the law as you understood it.  It is so different what the legal sanction is on any conduct under consideration when it says you can’t be touched, albeit the scope (or that other linguistic thing) now includes being touched by random assassination.  Yeah, people working for narcotrafficantes spray bullets around Tijuana, a reign of terror.

The off road racing accident of those in their twenties and thirties made me think that I should represent those in their forties and fifties, so I did it.  Just an accident around this date has a seeming impact, where an all-too-human shortcoming of seeking danger and excitement becomes a raison d’etre.  We can’t understand.  By participating, perhaps we can.

Before I left the house, I looked on my blog stats and discovered someone ha searched on Jim Goward.  I don’t write any flattering things using the names of people.  People have rather small minds and are self-centered.  having your name in print is a two-edged sword.  So, with some trepidation I investigated how bad my comments were, knowing that my attack was against Romauldas Baraskas, who said something unkind about Mr. Goward.  Anyhow, in the ESP junk drawer I discovered that they were burying Goward within a day of when I wrote that post.  He must have been on a collective consciousness at the time.  Regardless, I am saved from him having read what I wrote.

1872

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