A Mexican General

I had dreampt  the strangest thing, …(that can’t be the right spelling (for dreamed na burnt on burned), but, the computer says it is), and I was not dreaming, I was high.  I just used the notion of familiarity.  There isn’t anyone familiar; there isn’t anyone friendly.  I don’t want them friendly.  I’m not in sales.

My Mexican General icon arose in say, 1992.  We can go with 1992 since 1982 had severe repercussions.  It was difficult to stay alive and you had to promise to do certain things.  You had to say, “God, just let me come down from this coke and I won’t give you any trouble when it’s time to die.”  Yeah, that’s what I said then.  I shifted my priorities and there wasn’t any room for keeping promises like that.


By now it’s too long to read.  Bukowski figured out the fact and wrote books.  Poems in there are no longer than that.

S.E.B. on Sebelius“, is a post on this blog I wrote last year, Feb. 28.  But, it also has that tag about Amber DuBois, the girl whose body was recently recovered.  I remain suspicious about the circumstances of this recovery.  It seems like the pigs must have coerced the location out of the suspect they arrested when he went a touch too far and got caught on another one, Chelsea King.

It doesn’t matter what I think, because of the game, the way it is played.

That wasn’t too bad.  My wife walked in on me.  She didn’t yell about me being on the computer.  I knew I had only a short time, but, I could not resist starting to blog.  Earlier, I had surmised that if you have nothing to say and you change your mind after you drank a cup of coffee, you still have nothing to say, so, why write about it?  The coffee does the talking.

Elizabeth had walked Nicholas to the bus stop.  Nicholas was misbehaving, but, you can’t generalize to “children”.  He lives in a strange house with bizarre parents.

My wife got a phone call.  She has been working, so, a lot of new appliances are showing up around here.  They are not kitchen appliances, they are a cell phone, a voice recorder, a laptop, an electronic picture frame.  It’s all that junk.  Not that it just shows up.  The person wants to co-opt your objections, so, they tell you what they intend to do on the phone.  You could say “The fuck you will”, or just, “No!”, but, your corpse would promptly be thrown out on a hillside to rot.  You could also be noncommital, saying, “Hmm”, but then you’ll get, “You spineless worm!”  Try not saying anything while the anger rises up inside you and you keep your temper under control and she will go, “Hello!”  Oh, yeah.  We never know if the phone call just cut off suddenly after you dropped the Bomb.  If they can’t hear you, yell.  Irk.  No, it’s a phone.  Yelling won’t make it go louder, which is needed sometimes when the party you are talking to walks away from the cell phone.

She’s in the room.  I’ll leave her happy.  We went to the court yesterday and discovered how serious our living situation is.  It’s tenuous.  You negotiate for days.  “In 29 to 33 days you will be evicted.”

What happens is that it is presumed that the normal person is amenable to a standard of propriety, and that an obnoxious person will be eliminated by the majority, who are good.  It is as if a cockroach or a fly can be caused to admit that it is lowly and in need of killing.  They think of me as a victim.  I cannot agree.

We all do not think that.  Therefore a system of elimination of certain people and the preservation of others is not going to be subscribed at 100%.  The system whereby beauty is in the eye of the beholder will enjoy universality.

I am sick today, but I still have to defy my doctor’s orders and move boxes.  I had a swollen muscle in my chest.  Actually, it’s in my armpit.  Once the physical therapist started working on it it started hurting, and pain will make you sick.  I just want to be still with nothing touching me.  It’s still swollen; it’s grotesque.  I have to use heat and ice until I go back and he makes it hurt bad again.  He can’t prescribe drugs, I am sure.

I can’t use drugs.  I have a lot of clean time.  That’s the whole thing.  Some year like ’82 or ’92 I am using, and ’97 or 2002, I am not.  I fucking guarantee that whatever is important doesn’t come in a love song or a pill.  I don’t want to be marketed to by creatures exploiting my weak spots, like “Jesus”, or “love”.  That stuff’s meaningless.  Even the law of why about beauty: it’s the inverse square law.  If I hurt, you don’t.  If you get twice as far away, the loudness of my screams diminishes by a factor of four.  Go for it.

Faggots as well thread through society and one-up hapless victims.  Drug addicts and faggots are two readily identifiable groups living in glass houses.

I was interested in how to tell the difference between space aliens from this galaxy and those from another galaxy.

Well, if it’s from another galaxy, it’s more than two million years for the signal to get here, so, look for things not related to humans.  We didn’t exist.

Except, come to find out, this galaxy, the Milky Way, is probably not where Earth is from.  Earth is a whole third as old as the universe, so, it expands and it was only a third this size, and is mixed up a lot.  The previous article is from Sci Am. 11/09, and covers where our sun’s “sibling” stars are from, are at, rather, using the Milky Way for the batch—strung out like the groove in a record, when actually, the stars we are with are raining down on the disk.  We are from a stretched-out galaxy, the Sagittarius Dwarf.  That’s why the Milky Way goes slashing across the sky.  It’s not even with our direction of rotation, which is even with our direction of travel around the sun, with a tilt of twenty-three degrees.  The tilt of the sun in its direction of travel is perpendicular.  There’s no reason for that, given one thing spins off from it’s parent.  So, our birth galaxy is spread out like a strand of spaghetti, flipped by the enormous gravity of the spiral.  But, that’s how you do it: Google something and then pick out what was calling you.

It is at the level of truth, right and reality that a single individual can match the influence of society as a whole.


It’s now 9:34 AM, and I published this.  See how close it is to the word count?  That kind of thing I just use as pointers of what mathematics to go into.  You had the notion of alien beings, keeping in mind that our own society has conflicts within it which remain unresolved about who is master and what is inhumanity.  Okay, there’s 9:37.


In Spider Baby, Lon Chaney plays the enabler to these two murderesses.  In our society, the enabler or co-dependent to the drug addict would be the transferable take-away concept, but that’s wrong.  The clean drug addict represents a risk of recidivism (relapse) calling for greater investment in the overall family unit.  The size of this investment is now reaching untenable proportions in the present climate of austerity.  We don’t use drugs, but, we still have crutches we do use, and you can’t just arbitrarily take all those away.  If they are shelter, food and medical care, then it should not surprise anyone that death is the result of taking them away.  For an addict, using drugs again is to have one foot in the grave.  But, to the so-called normal citizen, the accompaniment of a binge to the well-deserved death provided the closure that told us we were in fact normal.  Like, just to fight off the insanity of the repression I see around me, I might say out loud in public, “I got to go back.  I left a half a pack of cigarettes on the bar.”  A half a pack, see?  Imagine, ten.

To me, I am already noticing, “Hey.  If I square these two numbers, then divide the squares, I get a different answer than if I divided the original numbers.”  And, I am thinking, “Wait.  That messes with my whole idea of the world.”  I thought algebra made it cool.

the square root of two divided by the square root of three

two divided by three

the square root of two divided by three




x to the one half times y to the minus one half is to x times y to the minus one as  x to the one half  is to x.

But, it is my opinion that things which happened out of order, like, you thought of something—you didn’t see it, make the thing which happened too early double annually until the reality occurs.  Things that happened already diminish in importance by 10% per year.

Bukowski, in Slouching Toward Nirvana, says “Sibelius” on pg. 155, and then again, in case you didn’t get it the first time, on pg. 158.  But, on that page he says he is 57, and I am fifty-seven.  And, 58 itself (without the one), is, in appearance, a “SB”.  Some people like Bukowski.  Sean Penn and Bono were friends of his (Bono more of a hanger-on after Penn turned him on to him), but, if you like him you like me.  There is liking but cigarette smoking poisons my air.  If you smoke on film people think smoking doesn’t stink, amirite?

Buk says, “Sibelius shaved his head.”  He goes, “Hey, pay attention.  This guy shaves his head, fuckin’.  Pay attention.  What did I just say?”

But, I don’t do S-I-B.  I go S-E-B.  So, that is what it took.  That’s my initials.  So, what if you are going to defy me and refuse to be a reality that puts my name in lights?  Well, then some of God’s children are going down in a plane crash.  Do we understand each other?  See We Are Marshall.  That’s just a movie.  I linked out to the real thing.  I had a bad 1970 on my way to beating the USA in an unjust war.  See also, “May 18, 1970“.

The Mexican is just a guy in black who sits on a horse.  There are lots of examples.  There are silver things on his clothes.  “Rosette” is one of them, it goes on tack, but I had favorite obsolete words, like “balustrade” or “rowel”.  I wanted the sympathy for gringos inherent in el Capitan.  See, I live in the beautiful former Spanish colony of California.  People who feel it is better to have been formerly owned by the British often let that show.  I’ve been to Huntington, West Virginia.  The train changes there.  It ends there.  It changes in Chicago.  It changes to no train in Huntington.  Then you drive and get stopped at a railroad crossing while 200 coal cars go by.  I don’t use the word, “el”.  I use “O” for “el”.  An El Camino we call an O Camino.  We also use it for the word, “a”, so, you do not have to use the word, “an”, or worry about it; it serves for both.  That’s a 1960s thing.

That was then.


spider baby

nightmare alley

Aw, wow.  They’re different colors.  They’re supposed to be the same thing.  Anyhow, why are these films strange?

we are marshall

I’m watching them.  I’m happy with them.  A computer is a pornography dispensing machine, but, that’s because you are in charge of what to watch on  it.  In a library, they decide what a good collection is incomplete without, and they get those.  So, just by picking up what’s on the shelf, you give it a try, when it may not have been to your taste if you had to pay.

The master chef cook becomes a tweak, after all, when any source of funds will do, no matter how you go about getting it.  Mexico is way out of line, worse than Colombia, at the mercy of drug gang warfare.  It can’t stay that far out for long, but, right now it is setting records.  Back when, they tried to say that the nature of methamphetamine made it impossible to take up into a large-scale distributed substance like heroin.  That was wrong.  The amount made in a single run basically never got over the scale commonly known in the pharma industry as the ‘kilo lab’ scale, here in California.  But, run by Mexicans, they can produce it in hundred-pound sizes, in Mexico or here.  They do that at will, and currently can also shoot up anybody who sets foot in Mexico, too.

I don’t know what you do, but, again, today is a degenerate multiple of a singular yesterday.  Pablo Escobar wasn’t offed for about ten years past when he should have been, in 1982.  He was killed in 1992.  What you do, intelligently, is to recognize the limitations at the pointy end of the spear.  A lot of us want to do x, but, the less violent x is, the more of the actuals wanting to can  do it.  If you are looking for a sanction with only a handful of qualified candidates, it may not get done.  The other thing is to stop before you go thinking that you know who you are dealing with.  I have a child, but there is not much known about “children” that tells me what to do within the  boundaries of steps that I am willing to take.  I just have a child.  Children are not my responsibility.

“When all’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing.”

—“Dirty Laundry”

Now you conducted a war on drugs for a hundred years, and we are just seeing the first signs of a two-sided war.  A lawless Colombia had countries in between.

Spider Baby predates the Manson killings by a couple of years.  It would have been in poor taste to air that had they occurred already.  It’s very similar.

In the ‘nightmare’ one, the mentalist falls to become the sideshow geek.  On the way, he makes some very good statements you can use to get past becoming captured for claiming paranormal powers.

“I’m sure there’s a perfectly natural explanation.  You don’t have to believe in the supernatural.”

Yeah, but the overconfidence that you could make bigger and bigger scores the less you cared about the beliefs of others is what we call riding for the fall.  Success and the finer things of life often dull the fine edge that got you there with things like alcohol.  All the time you are unaware of it and keep telling yourself that they’re suckers and you are very savvy.  Yeah, just get a little more savvy.  Turn it up.

I mean, that’s what is in the movie.  They got a million movies, but a movie never violates, and a book never violates, stuff I’d violate the minute I could separate it out.

You got to place the parts found in all of us into different characters.  A woman is just a woman, it isn’t a good luck piece.  It isn’t lucky it didn’t fuck around on you.  Didn’t fuck?  Uh, that goes under ‘heartache’.

Your wife’s faithful to you?  Let you tell it.

Lon Chaney’s not going to be in a movie that isn’t good.  Maybe you can’t afford him.

Let’s see: what did I say about Sebelius?  Did I show any indicator that Bukowski was where I first heard it?  Sibelius is too close.  Buk does that, to the point that if you wonder what to read next, he often lists his influences.  He only listened to classical, so, you’d be sidetracked and he wouldn’t.

The last lines of paragraph three of “May 18, 1970”, start withs MAHSA out of MARSHALL; I’d categorize Marshall as Marsha will, contracted Marsha’ll, that’s—how  I roll.  That is, the category exists of the set of words made out of the following list of letters, and order counts, so, it is the one permutation, punctuation-insensitive.

“SEB on Sebelius” starts out mentioning the second letter of my last name, and the second letter of the last name is waht differs, and, it’s the same letter.

We are Marshall is about an event 180 days after my “break”, because, anything has to be something.  Not even zero is nothing.  When there’s no number to correctly imply the subtraction, we’ll just go with the notion of a one-eighty.  I think everybody knows what that means.

Length of Earth’s day over geologic time.  It has increased, so I am right when I say that, …oh—a year.  Has the year increased?

A year changes, but it’s fucked up just how, a giant time-waster.  If it steadily increases, it was 360 days at one time.  Oh.  If the day stayed the same.  At least sentencing gives you 180 days, not half a year.

Marshall must have fucked up.  They left a door open somewhere.  If I was you, I wouldn’t use the God of War’s name in my name.  Mars?



god I’m sandbaggin’ sandy eggo



One Response to “A Mexican General”

  1. sbillinghurst Says:

    I like to follow SEB who I know will take up for the criminals. Victims often speak out against their attackers, but you hardly ever get a chance to read what the attackers say against the people.

    Pretend I did this up under a false name.

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